So, tonight I went through the boxes of death. I dont know why I did it, but I did. Then I had a good cry. Its been years since I went through Barbie's box.... the autopsy, the newspaper article, the cards, etc. I looked through her untouched wallet that mom had saved, with a single dollar bill rolled up inside of it.
Then I moved on to mom's box. Not only had I saved every sympathy card, but every single card she had gotten from the first day of her illness. There were messages of hope and concern and people praying from her. One of the most touching was perhaps the one from Dr. Esquivel and his staff. I looked through the signatures of everyone who had come to the viewings. I read the booklet from the day of the funeral with all of the songs and scriptures mom had chosen. When i had had enough, I put everything back in its place and then back into my closet.

So, someone else I know just lost his father. He was only in his 40's. Life is so short and depressing. People that have never lost a parent cant even fathom the pain and hurt that comes with a loss like that. I mean my mom died 17 months ago and it still seems like just yesterday. I still remember how sickly and weak she was towards the end and i have more vivid memories of the bad times than i do the times before cancer started eating her away. I hope everyday that those memories will fade more and more over time and that I will be able to just think of the good times we had before.

Dragan had another ride to the ER last night in an ambulance. He has croup again. It was the same exact scenario as a year ago. Luckily, this time was much better because he was calm and didnt get worked up. Poor kid. He goes through some shit.
I was thinking earlier today that I really wished Shaunn would have got to meet my mom. She would have loved him and the way he treats me and the kids. Her and I never thought it was possible for me to meet someone that wasn't screwed up... like some of the previous people I have dated. Boy were we wrong. Maybe she had something to do with him and I finding each other. She always was looking out for me so I can imagine that she pulled some strings.
She always promised me that if I waited long enough patiently good things would come to me. She was so right.