Earlier tonight Dragan was talking a lot about Gram. I said to him, "You miss her don't you?" to which he replied, "I really do. I wish she didnt have to die." I told him that I felt the same way. He then went on to say that he wished no one had to die,... Jesus, God, Gram, Joseph and Mary (lol i guess he remembered them from Xmas time). He told me that he talks about Gram all the time in school and he told everyone that she died even though she wasnt old. She was just sick. I told him how proud she always was of him and how I knew she was watching him and even prouder now. He said, "Yeah she did always like to tell stories about me,.... since I was so smart." He was laughing about how she used to have to feel his butt and his muscles. He told stories about when she watched him while I wasnt here or at school. Im glad he was talking about her in detail, I dont want him to forget her or lose the memories.

I went to the cemetary today and took some flowers. 3 xmas things were still there. I figured the grounds crew would remove them sometime after the first of the year. I didnt even think about removing them myself because I would have felt guilty. However, on the ride home, I could hear my mom saying, "Come on girl, why would you leave those nasty dead things lying there... clean them up and make it look good around me!" I just chuckled and thought I better go over there this weekend and make it presentable!

American Idol officially started tonight. Mom and I used to love watching it together and rooting for our favorites. We usually liked the same ones and hated the same ones. We would fix appetizers like cheese sticks and potato skins and sit in the living room watching. During the commercials we would go out front for a smoke break and peek in to make sure it hadnt started again. It sucks sitting here by myself watching with no one to listen to me talking about someone's hair or outfit or song. I miss you Mom.

I have been sick all damn week. I cant remember feeling so bad ever to tell you the truth. I miss my mom taking care of me and helping me with the kids. I took for granted all she did for me.

My mom taught me how to be independent. She taught me to be self-sufficient and to have respect for myself. She encouraged me to be the best I could be and to work hard at all I do. She taught me how to be a good mother, and how to have patience with my kids. She taught me that no one is more important than family. My mom showed me that I could be strong during the worst of times. She said, "It's OK to cry when you need to". She showed me how to not be so judgemental and to accept people for who they are. I learned a lot for my mother. There is so much I couldnt possibly list it all. She was a wonderful, hard-working, giving person who made me who I am today. Thank you Mom.