Well its almost Christmas and all I can say is thank God for prozac, my family and good friends. I have been feeling much better although i know Xmas day is going to suck.
For being a person who used to not believe in God, I sure have turned around. After witnessing my mother on her way to Heaven, and hearing her talking to her Pop and Mom and Daddy, and having God answer my prayers of coming to get her quickly without letting her suffer, I know now He is real. And I need Him in my life. Recently I have been struggling, feeling like I should be getting signs or something from her or God. I still had one arm dangling over the disbelieve fence, and thought maybe thats why I wasnt getting anything. But, wouldnt He know that at this time of struggle I needed something obvious? Or was He not trying to show me He was real because I still had doubts? Was He sending me signs and I was just missing them, chalking them up to coincidence? After talking to some best friends about it, I figured all I could do was pray about it, ask Him for signs to lead me down the right path. And so I did. Two days later I got 2 very distinct signs. My Mom was with me after all, watching over me and I felt it. I saw it. I havent had anymore since then, but a good friend of mine has told me God sends signs in many ways. A new person in your life, a song, a feeling in the air. I have recently made friends with someone I work with who has strong faith and is helping me find mine. We are from 2 different worlds but can talk about anything. WIthout her, I might be more over the disbelieving fence. Now, Im fully over the fence. Im a believer. And believing gives me great comfort that my mom is in a wonderful place, enjoying being with God and yet still watching over all of us.
Dragan has recently told me of some dreams he has had about her. he claims he saw her one night in his dream and she told him God needed her up there to help take care of all the babies that had gone to Heaven.... because we all know "how much Gram loved babies."