Sunday, Sept. 11th- What i am about to type has come quicker than i ever imagined, much quicker. For the past week, mom has been seeming pretty good. She does so much stuff for herself. Starting on Friday, she has been really out of it, and not from medication either. She talks goofy talk and doesnt know the day, time, who people are, etc. Every person that came by today thought something was weird and maybe she was just very sleepy. Draga came in to tell her goodnight and she just stared at him. Right after I got the kids to bed, my dad came up to check on her. She was shaking violently saying over and over that she was freezing. We covered her with a ton of blankets and i took her temp. It was normal. She then proceeded to become agitated, ripping at her line and tube, shouting out about Pop(her grandfather), calling for Daddy, etc. I got out the comfort kit of meds and gave her some ativan to calm her down and then immediately called a nurse. We talked for awhile about what i should do, when to give her more ativan, etc. When I took her temp again it was 103.3. I called Tim and Shelli to come over and they were here in 5 minutes. The nurse had me ask her what month it was,.. she answered Tuesday. I asked if she knew who i was and she said Mommy. Finally after 30 minutes, she settled down and fell asleep. The nurse called back an hour later and we discussed everything that happened. This is the beginning of the decline. After this behavior starts, its typically 7-10 days before the patient passes away. She said she has seen them go in a day and some last another month, but that isnt the norm. Mom's respirations are very high and her heartrate is 150. I had to give her morphine to help slow it down. After all of the meds, she is now asleep. But, when she starts to wake she is immediately agitated. I am sitting up tonight and giving her ativan every 4 hrs to prevent another episode like earlier. A nurse will be out first thing in the morning to evaluate her and its a real good possibility she will go into hospice somewhere instead of home. She didnt want the kids to see her get bad, and there is no way i can tend to her for 24 hrs. Even though the hospice place is a little way away, i imagine it will only be a week or so that she will be there. And we can all certainly make arrangements for a little while to see her. Im thinking though at this point she will just be kept fairly medicated and comfortable. I cant believe how quickly things are getting worse. When she started the TPN, I was sure she would still be here til Christmas time, afterall, she WAS getting nourished. It just seems to have taken over her body all at once. Please please please pray that she just goes quickly and peacefully. She would NOT want to be acting like she is now and she is ready to go to Heaven to see everyone she misses. Please God, come get her.