Saturday, Sept. 3rd- Not such a great day today. I was supposed to change the TPN at 2 pm. I thought i knew what i was doing but ending up fucking shit up. Long story short, I flushed the line and pulled it back to make sure there was still blood flow. Then I proceeded to fix the new bag of TPN and by the time I attempted to reconnect it, the blood i left in the line clotted. A nurse had to come out and put a whole new line in. I felt terrible and was acting pissy, which made mom upset. I was so disappointed in myself that I dont want to even try it tomorrow. But, I have to. The nurse did tell me though not to draw blood back since it is connected to her port which is pretty stable. So, fingers crossed tomorrow is better.
I've been worn out today. People still keep calling and asking me questions (and I dont mean family) and i know they mean well but if i wanted to talk about it, i would!! I know they care but its all i can do to keep this blog up, but I am doing it to keep everyone informed.
Everyone has been really great. Besides my kids, I really dont have anyone else besides my mom. I see her everyday. My dad lives far away and Im lucky to see him 3 times a year. I know he has his own life and Im grown, but I still need him. I feel like I am finally forming a relationship with my brother and sister in law. Before now I would be lucky to see them 4 times a year (holidays and birthdays). We have a small family and i want to be a bigger part of their lives. I also have an aunt and uncle who literally live 12 houses away, but seeing them is pretty rare as well. My other aunt and uncle (who live in South Carolina) do more for us than you could ever imagine. They dont have to, but they do. My aunt has offered to come stay here and help us for awhile. She would put her life on hold to do that. Its just how she is. I want to see them more than I do. Its pretty sad that Im 33 years old and have never needed my family more than i do now. Im supposed to be leading my own life.
And I want to thank my internet friends who think of us all the time, and keep my mind busy at night. I appreciate you guys just being there, and taking my mind off things.